Alone With Somebody Else

'pensive' from We Heart It

You love your own company and you crave to be by yourself quite frequently, but all those other times when you wanted to be with someone, you created little moments with them because you felt the need to make those small but sweet memories, something to use your nostalgia on.You somehow knew on some level that they wouldn't always be there and when they weren't you sat there looking at the wall, at your feet, at your whole life.

Sometimes, you can have that friend that tends to feel very much the same, practices the same rituals that you do with whom you can just be who you always are to yourself. You're not being negative, you're just being honest and this person won't try to show you the 'bright side'. You know when to cheer up, you know when to come down and it's important to have someone around who can allow you to bounce between the two when you want. The both of you may be in completely different circumstances but you've been in the same spot before and there's nothing more to say about it. You might be lucky to get a tear, a sigh, a giggle and some insight all in the same sitting.

But you can take those small but sweet memories and change them into something new, recreate them to give them new meaning: sharing a favourite programme, getting each other cupcakes, walking hours away around the streets of London and sitting on a curb or a set of steps to pause again and let each other look into the distance. You may have been in that very same place before with all those people you miss, but now you're there with someone who you won't have to.

And when that friend isn't around and you're all by yourself again, you can turn to those other things that also allow you to feel what you want.

Your favourite music will soften you in the darkness and some great words on a page might give it all some sense when you're ready to reach for the light.

A New Chapter and All That....

So another ending, another beginning...and I seem to have been riding that cycle quite a bit the last year or two but isn't it exciting when you can change your scene and start fresh?

This may very well be my last post in Bali, in fact, I'm sure it is as I've still got the last bits of packing to do and more goodbyes to say. As happy as I am to leave, I will always look back on this island as the monumental point in my life where things got shaken up and rearranged, and so rapidly too.

When I think back, it was only eight months ago (feels like eight years) when I set foot on Indonesian turf and faced some things the Universe clearly wanted me to face: fears, reoccuring patterns, confidence issues, relationship values....you name it. The challenge was on from the minute I left the comforts of the city I know so well and love, the place I was born and the place I lived in as if it were a gate that kept me safe from the big wide world. So Arizona showed me the deeper levels of Spirit and Love, San Francisco gave me the freedom to be who and whatever I wanted, Singapore taught me greater independence and trust in myself, Nepal showed me how to toughen up and be practical and Bali...well Bali put all those things together and offered me a package deal: conquer this and you'll go home a very happy and lucky person.

Here is where I met Loic and that was the beginning of a very beautiful story which continues to amaze me each day and now he's joining me in the Big Smoke; he'll see the other parts of me, the things that shaped me into the individual that he met sitting at the next table having a coffee. My place, my family, my friends. And yet we'll be sad to say goodbye to the friends we've met here, but just like the nearest and dearest we left in England and France, we know they're here and we'll always know what we shared with them. Facebook, email and Skype help to keep the connections going of course.

So new jobs, new home, new start and I've found a lovely path in falling in love with a Frenchy, he loves to travel and I love France. And I won't even have to give up my love of travelling and holidays for too long as a trip to Lyon for a wedding is already on this year's calendar. One day I'll live there too and it's funny, I pictured myself there a long time ago...riding a bicycle down cobbled streets, writing in cafes and being inspired by all the art, history and buildings that France has kept so close to its heart...London was never supposed to be it forever. The other great thing is language, Lo gets to perfect his English and I finally have the chance to be fluent in French, something that should have been on my CV for years but with slight negligence on my behalf, I never quite got there...but I will I'm sure of it. 

And I'll keep writing so watch this space...fingers crossed, in a couple of weeks I'll be posting the good news of new jobs for us both and a new flat. I'm giddy at the thought of being able to finally unpack ALL my possessions, including the ones still sitting up in my uncle's attic and put them somewhere I'll call home and that's where they'll stay, until the next chapter of course.

Goodbye Bali.

And in the words of Vinnie Jones: "it's been emotional".

London Calling

And so the countdown is on...just over two weeks until I'm back on British soil and thankfully, the last couple of weeks have kept me busy enough for it to feel like it's flying by. My friend Hannah and two of her mates came out to Bali for a fortnight and it was really good to visit a few places I hadn't seen yet and to introduce them to the things I'm quite familiar with.One of them being Linga Longa Bar, our favourite hangout spot where Fran took to the stage on more than one occasion to entertain the crowd with her powerful, jazz style voice. We had fun in Ubud and dined around Sanur, not forgetting a few games of pool at the scuzzy but fun Angel bar; the only place in Bali where I get to hear my favourite tunes...Hendrix, Clapton, Zeppelin, Red Hot Chilli Peppers and even Queens of the Stone Age are always on the playlist. For those of you who aren't on Facebook, here's a few pics I nicked from the girls:

Woody, Fran, Hannah & me in temple attire

Lo and I chillin in the water

Me feeding fishies at Tirtagangga palace

Lo putting us to shame at Angel bar

Me and Hansy

Dinner in Ubud

So it's been all fun and games but the end is nigh and I've got to get my head down and finish up some work before we cross waters. I'll miss Bali for friends and certain places of course, but UK is a calling and with a few exciting things lined up for when Lo and I get there, I'm raring to go...here's what we've got booked so far:

* Spending Summer Solstice in Glastonbury - my favourite town in all of England! There'll be drumming, meditating, tree-hugging, love-spreading, rejoicing, garland-wearing and lots of other cool happy hippy stuff.

*Going on a 'Foraging for Herbs' walk - in July we're going on a jaunt around Regent's Park, led by a Herbalist and natural remedies expert who will show us how to, well, forage for herbs in London and will show us how to use these wondeful plants in cooking, cosmetics and healing...the nature geek in me squeals.

*Seeing Swan Lake at the Coliseum - tickets are booked for The English National Ballet production this August! It will be my first live ballet and I'm giddy at the thought...I know I'm gonna love it.

*Going to the Contemporary American Indian Art Exhibition at Highgate Gallery - I made friends with a Navajo artist called Troy Whitethorne when I was in Arizona and when he said he was having an exhibition in London, I promised him I'd go and see it. It's on from 8th-21st June so I'll be landing just in the nick of time. I'll be tired, I'll be jetlagged and crazy busy but a promise is a promise and I'm all about supporting what has become a very precious culture to me.

Aside from these exciting dates in the calendar, not only will I be loving the reunion of me and my city (and hugging and kissing the life out of my friends and family) but I also get to take Loic around as it's been roughly 10 years since he's been to London...the best way to get into the city again is to be a tour guide for someone else so there will be many an outing to museums, galleries, coffee shops, gigs, pubs, parks, theatres etc. There'll also be much gorging on cake, pastries, cheese, wine and all the food that Indonesia isn't really best at...ditching the motorbike for our good old reliable legs again is going to be much needed.

There are so many things that we've missed about Europe that I'm quite sure that we won't be bored for quite some time...but for now, let's enjoy what the rest of this island has to offer before we wave it goodbye.

New Digs and Crazy Dreams

image from We Heart it

I am now an expat. A weird thought indeed; and before I left the UK in September, I don't think that was a word I ever used before. But I'm in Bali now, after a stint around the world and a month at home, I've got me a new place and a box full of exciting opportunities.

London, I love you and I miss you for a few things: you've got my best friends and my family and you've got those favourite spots I sometimes went to whenever I wanted to leave the house. All I needed was the Oyster fare and I could immerse myself in history, art and esoterism - and if I had extra change for a coffee well then that would just make my day.

But I had to leave you, you see there was more for me out there - there is more for me. And to not miss you at all, I have to think of the things that annoy me the most about you: the biting cold, the shoulder-barges and tuts on a crowded and uncomfortable tube journey; the outrageous prices of decent food in the supermarket and the shoebox flats that you insist people should pay most a months' wages on. But one day I'll come back and it won't be too far off - even if it is just to go back in time and sit in The Bedford in Balham, my family kitchen in Polards Hill, the mini-haven in The Cloisters, The Penderals Oak in Holborn and The Starbucks in Victoria Station because it is these places where I find time again and spend love on my favourite people.

But things will be different for a year and I've been given time and love to spend with one very special person in this tropical territory and a house to get my itchy, decorator hands on. These delicious, brand new things in my life have seemed like a dream and I never want to wake up from it when I'm looking into green/amber eyes on the pillow next to mine. And although bedtime for me has been the stuff of lullabies, when I've slipped into sleep, I've had crazy and awful dreams.

Reality and dreams flipped? Or a need to clear some unwanted energy?

The first day in our new house, I wafted a Banishing incense stick around every room in the house and swept but I can't help but feel that it needs more to transmute the energy - oh to have a singing bowl and my Goddesses to help raise the vibration. But I'm going to have to come up with something because, either there are some deeper issues in my psyche that are showing themselves in my slumber or there are influences coming through the veil from times past in this place. I love my new home and I'm never uncomfortable but last night I woke up after what felt like hours of anxiety dreams. A narrated (and very vividly so) thriller story that at first felt like fiction but then had me throw my eyes open with an intense case of goosebumps and then a panicked dream about getting to my cat whom I'd left with a friend but could never seem to catch the bus I needed to get on to reach him - ok, so the last one maybe a little closer to home.

So tonight I ask the Moon to bring me a dreamless sleep because I don't need them in the night. The morning brings me the most wonderful vision of a glorious future reflected back at me by those green/amber eyes on the pillow next to mine.