A New Chapter and All That....

So another ending, another beginning...and I seem to have been riding that cycle quite a bit the last year or two but isn't it exciting when you can change your scene and start fresh?

This may very well be my last post in Bali, in fact, I'm sure it is as I've still got the last bits of packing to do and more goodbyes to say. As happy as I am to leave, I will always look back on this island as the monumental point in my life where things got shaken up and rearranged, and so rapidly too.

When I think back, it was only eight months ago (feels like eight years) when I set foot on Indonesian turf and faced some things the Universe clearly wanted me to face: fears, reoccuring patterns, confidence issues, relationship values....you name it. The challenge was on from the minute I left the comforts of the city I know so well and love, the place I was born and the place I lived in as if it were a gate that kept me safe from the big wide world. So Arizona showed me the deeper levels of Spirit and Love, San Francisco gave me the freedom to be who and whatever I wanted, Singapore taught me greater independence and trust in myself, Nepal showed me how to toughen up and be practical and Bali...well Bali put all those things together and offered me a package deal: conquer this and you'll go home a very happy and lucky person.

Here is where I met Loic and that was the beginning of a very beautiful story which continues to amaze me each day and now he's joining me in the Big Smoke; he'll see the other parts of me, the things that shaped me into the individual that he met sitting at the next table having a coffee. My place, my family, my friends. And yet we'll be sad to say goodbye to the friends we've met here, but just like the nearest and dearest we left in England and France, we know they're here and we'll always know what we shared with them. Facebook, email and Skype help to keep the connections going of course.

So new jobs, new home, new start and I've found a lovely path in falling in love with a Frenchy, he loves to travel and I love France. And I won't even have to give up my love of travelling and holidays for too long as a trip to Lyon for a wedding is already on this year's calendar. One day I'll live there too and it's funny, I pictured myself there a long time ago...riding a bicycle down cobbled streets, writing in cafes and being inspired by all the art, history and buildings that France has kept so close to its heart...London was never supposed to be it forever. The other great thing is language, Lo gets to perfect his English and I finally have the chance to be fluent in French, something that should have been on my CV for years but with slight negligence on my behalf, I never quite got there...but I will I'm sure of it. 

And I'll keep writing so watch this space...fingers crossed, in a couple of weeks I'll be posting the good news of new jobs for us both and a new flat. I'm giddy at the thought of being able to finally unpack ALL my possessions, including the ones still sitting up in my uncle's attic and put them somewhere I'll call home and that's where they'll stay, until the next chapter of course.

Goodbye Bali.

And in the words of Vinnie Jones: "it's been emotional".

The Comfort Zone

Photo by Nina Leen, 1954

As I sit here watching it piddle down outside, I'm thinking about why I'm feeling so restless. Why am I not either relaxing properly or getting on with things like writing some poetry, working on unfinished pieces or continuing to read that book I started ages ago?

Those of you who work, long for a day like this; when it's raining outside, you don't really have to go anywhere and you can truly indulge in anything or nothing. For me right now, it's absolutely tedious; hence why inspiration has flown from me and I can't get into my projects. Until I start working, I'll be sat around twiddling my thumbs some more..."just relax and enjoy your time" you say? Not easy when you run out of things to do by 11am and it's too hot to want to do anthing else. You see, my usual creature comforts don't apply here in Bali.

Image from We Heart it

The things that make me feel fuzzy and content are:

*Wearing a baggy woollen jumper
*Laying on the sofa with the cat and rubbing his belly
*Baking a cake while listening to old music
*Eating said cake with a cup of tea (usually with someone to have a good natter with)
*Having a long hot shower, using all my best soaps and scrubs
*Watching movies that I've loved since I was a child like Elvis' G.I Blues, Please Sir!, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, or Airplane! (usually with my favourite blanket wrapped around me)

Scene from G.I Blues

*Do I sound like an old lady?!*

*Rediscovering albums that I haven't listened to in ages, then dancing to them while tidying up
*Flipping through a copy of Spirit & Destiny Magazine and then researching online all the awesome workshops and books it recommends
*Watching a marathon of Location, Location, Location (again, a cup of tea must accompany this)
*Quoting Alan Partridge, IT Crowd and other favourite comedy shows through text and down the phone with mates
*Ordering Chinese for dinner then eating it while watching a DVD
*Getting into my pyjamas (providing I changed out of them in the first place), putting my slippers on and having a pre-bedtime chat with my sister over that last cup of tea.

Ahhh...

Not my own living room obviously, image from Country Living

Now, none of those things are possible apart from the tea (until I run out of the PG Tips I brought with me) but let's face it, it's not really something you can drink all day long when you're sat there lethargic and sweaty from the blazing heat. And night time is reserved for ensuring that you've covered all mosquito repellent methods so that you don't get mauled in your sleep and there is certainly no place for pyjamas and fuzzy socks; it's more like skimpy vest and underwear, barefoot and no covers. So I have to find some new comforts if I'm going to enjoy all this 'spare time'...suggestions are welcome.

So enjoy Spring guys, 'cos it's coming your way and it's my favourite season of the year. Because, aside from those days when I'm dossing about in my comfy clothes while it's cold and raining outside, I just adore those other days when I look out the window and notice that the blossom trees are coming into bloom and that soft cosy living room where I drink my tea and watch my old movies, is lit up with the fresh sunshine of Spring. The other thing that makes me warm and fuzzy is seeing that my cat has noticed it too and is rolling around on the carpet, bathing himself in the rays.

I've Become a Sleepy House Cat

Yawwwwwn. The past few days, I haven't seemed to break out of the habit of having daytime naps. Although these naps have turned into three to four hour long sleeps. And I'm sleeping again at night too! I expressed this guilty habit to my boyfriend and I suggested that it's either due to extreme tiredness (clocked up over the last few very busy months), laziness (I'm more reluctant to admit this one) or boredom. Lo put it down to boredom. Our new house is still missing some furniture and I really do think it'll make a difference once there's a living room set up so that I'm not horizontal for most the day. The living room gets the best light in the house too so I think I'd feel a lot more energised if I was being soaked in sunshine while sat upright to write and read and get the other things done that my brain is nagging me to do.

Lo has been working late lots this week and worries that I'm feeling a bit imprisoned. I'm not, I have just succumbed to the stagnant energy in the house. It needs brightening up a bit and so do I. No more of this flopping about hazily on the bed.

The other solution is a bike to go out on. I wanna be a girl about town, riding to the bakery, the beach or just out having a bit of a cruise. I don't think I'll really feel like I'm living in Bali until I'm independently going about my day so this evening, my beau Lo and I are going out to get one. I'm a little anxious though, I haven't ridden a bike properly since I was about 13 so it's going to take a while before I venture far and confidently.

But at least I've had plenty of net time to stay connected, do research and get inspired. I've come across a few blogs to keep me ticking over like Retrogasm where awesome retro pictures like this are posted:


And The Final Sentence, a blog dedicated to compiling final sentences of great literature which I think is a fantastic idea and sometimes I'll read one and think 'wow what a bloomin' good ending to a book!' you'd think it would spoil wanting to read the rest of the novel, but for me, if it's a beautiful ending then the rest of the book must be beautiful too...

This Amazing Planet does what it says on the tin. It's a blog that posts breathtaking photos by various photographers of the most stunning locations on Earth (like these below)...it really is visual joy.


For more silly entertainment I've been following Nightmares and Boners, a blog written by a twenty-something chic who lives in East London and writes (quite openly and comically) about the mishaps of her relationships and sex life. It's just good for a chuckle and some light anecdotal amusement.

And while I was looking for pictures of sleeping cats (and there are thousands - each so bloody adorable) I came across one of the most hilarious blogs I've ever seen: Barely Feral. Someone has posed themselves the question: "what if there was a porn site designed by cats for cats?" and has come up with this gem. Just...take a look...it's brilliant.

Ah, the things I do with my spare time...

Feels Like Home

For Christmas, my mum and I went to my sister's house; the most homely place I know - full of children's joy, games, blankets, hugs and family photos.

For days before, my eyelids hung heavy and my head felt like it had been stuffed with cotton wool. We worked hard all week, mum and I; 'Team Sanassee' lining the pockets of fat cats just in time for the holidays. When I had a moment to think or even breathe, I thought about how I had to pull myself out of this - the dark circles under my eyes become more sinister by the day, the fuzziness gets thicker. But how amazing to throw your bags down by the door of your biggest comfort and get hugs and kisses from the ones who look at you with unconditional love when you've been recoiling from yourself in the mirror.

It was good to spend time with my niece and nephews; it was so good to get some sleep! My mum, sister and I sat in the kitchen for many conversations and cups of tea. My sister's cat, Bambi fell in love with my baggy wooly cardigan and made me her bed, her purring soothing my restlessness. We talked about me travelling, we talked about the things I now need in my life. Mulled wine turned tiredness into softness and I sunk into the couch and breathed the deepest I had in months.

The kids' excited whispers was the nicest alarm to wake up to on Christmas morning and when I came down the stairs, everyone was swaying to Dean Martin and preparing coffee. With an abundance of new Wii games, my sister and I worked off our Christmas dinner by playing Just Dance 2 for about two hours, it reminded me just how much I love to dance, just how good it makes me feel.

We all settled down in the afternoon to watch Karate Kid; Jayden Smith reminds me a lot of one of my nephews, Kyi-Tien. He's my godson, my little star; the one that has the dream of being in the Winter Olympics and cheers me up by giving me cheesy winks and thumbs up, the 6 year old joker.

I baked my sister's boyfriend some chocolate and hazelnut cookies on Boxing Day (pictured below) because he's the kind to appreciate love that comes out of the oven. And after I had stuffed my face the entire weekend, I worked out a detox programme in my head. I'll begin this in the new year because the cheesecake that my best friend baked for me when I got home is flirting with me from the fridge and I can't possibly hurt its feelings.



The dark cirles are a little lighter, my head is a little less stuffed but new year decision making approaches. With a dose of home now in my heart, I should be able to set myself free.

Recovered

I have been stolen away from my usual cyberspace ramblings and for two weeks, I've experienced life a little more!

The universe has showered me with wonderful Birthday gifts including the hope for a new home. I mentally colour and decorate non-existent rooms all the time; washing them over with character and charm...one day these rooms will exist and soon too. Finally the dream is not so far away.

Friendship and settlement have been the key themes this month: bonds have gotten stronger, laughter has become more frequent (the celebrations have brought more of my favourite faces together) and the journey resumes. But now my path branches off onto something new; I don't know what it is yet but the closer and closer I come to the end of study I know something exciting is waiting for me there...it'll finally bring me my much longed for sense of peace. I know it to be so because in my entire life, I've never felt so grounded.