Today is fit for a dreamer

Fae ID

Upon searching for potential character names for my new tale, I came across a website that generates your very own fairy name by typing in your real name!

Your fairy is called Feather Snowwand

She is a cleansing force and a peace-bringer.

She lives in high places where the clouds meet the earth.

She is only seen when the seer holds a four-leafed clover.

She wears pale blue like the sky. She has delicate pale blue wings like a cicada.

Get your free fairy name here!

Ahh...so sparkly. ♥

Child's play

Today I fell into a place where children's minds expand; they twist and turn through stories, their imaginations satisfied with adventures inked on fresh pages.

For my Writing for Children class, I have to read a children's fictional novel...something I haven't done since I was a child. And yet all these years of writing and reading, struggling to develop and perfect my technique to reach adequate adult standards, I have missed something quite wonderful indeed. Normally I'd bypass the children's section in bookshops, mainly because I'd find noisy, rambling tykes causing a ruckus while their mothers peruse the shelves for something suitable. But I strolled into Foyles this afternoon and thoroughly enjoyed my browse! To my suprise there were more adults in there than children even though it's half-term! The covers were shiny and resplendent, mythical creatures and enchanting worlds splashed across the walls of that corner...I made my choices after a long gander and I haven't been that absorbed in a long time.

Halfway through the Rebel by J.R Andersen, and I'm still entertained. This isn't supposed to happen, aren't I meant to feel like a 'big kid' that needs to look at more prestigious texts in order to better my writing? Well I say that I look at tube carriages now and nearly a third of the passengers have their noses tucked deep in epic children's stories...a market I can get on with perhaps? And yet I almost forgot that most of my enthusiasm for wanting to be a writer occured when I was a child; writing until I was told to go to bed; storing novel after novel on my computer and even further back, tucking away the typewriter carefully after heavy-duty use. I lost that enthusiasm as I got older and more cynical. Adulthood makes you question everything for the negative outcomes, children question for the excitement of the positive.

And so, from now on, you'll find me drawing out my characters instead of meticulously bullet-pointing them out, writing from the pictures in my head instead of constructing a 'logical' sketch and reading books about fairies and wizards instead of those that present us with the failures and woes of the depressing old thing we call 'life'.

I want to get off

Today took me for a major ride, one I paid for but got short-changed on. Whilst on it, my emotions got tested hard and there was a grey cloud hanging over me that threatened to rain so I tried to shake it off and reasoned out my karma to allow a tantrum to occur in my head.

I was cold. I was tired and my love for the world was questioned. Pettiness played its part and caused me more silence than I would care to acknowledge. But I tried to raise some noise by listening to Staind (not a good idea, considering that album takes me back to bleaker times) but others were feeding off my fumes on a tooth-pullingly long bus journey after having battled to get my oyster card to swipe. It didn't. I had money on it, but had to pay more to a bus driver that felt like exercising his authority on me.

I craved the silence while I rode through the grotty stone-laced town that is Mitcham...and when I got home it bullied me. Anger diffused fairly soon after once I cut the cord with the general public, allowing them to take their energy back and return me mine but that grey cloud still hovers...

I know it very well and yet it still plays tricks on me. I'm onto its ways but it still wants to prove me a point, even though I'd love to ignore it. I never can though. There's some sort of attachment to it. It'll drift away for a little while and allow the sun to greet me, but not without getting what it wants: my hands up in complete submission, for it replenishes itself with my dignity.

Inspiration are you there?

Rifling, searching, digging deep...no stories wish to unfold today.

If only I had a fairytale of my own to fall into where the trees tell me which way to go and an elf recites me a poem. No bedroom walls and stagnation there; only a joyful dance through a forest that leads me to the Well of Answers. I lean in, reach down and pick a giant flower petal from the well and on it reads something of a revelation.

The Butterfly Queen blesses me with magic. And when I return, I'm full to the brim with creativity, inspiration and excitement; typing emphatically to record the wonders I've seen.

Cue reality:

Pft. I've stared at this screen long enough and it hasn't turned into a portal yet; only an empty word document with time running way ahead of me and I have emptied myself of motivation.

But still, the web is full of pretty pictures: this one is from we ♥ it.

Knitting, Procrastination and a General Sense of Vacancy

Yesterday I learnt how to knit. I've been longing to do it for some time now; thinking about all the possible things I could make for myself and avoid shopping for things that don't exist all together. Self-sufficiency is the key. Although I've only just started, I saw myself knitting in my sleep last night...a new addiction perhaps?

I should be working on what I've already learnt instead of finding new things to begin. I should be doing my uni coursework but I've seemed to fall into some kind of consuming loop of vacancy. I've been waking up late, my peak of alertness seems to come at midnight, and my work is on my mind for 60% of the day but my body is rejecting the idea of actually producing it. I've wandered around pretty aimlessly today, knowing that the hours are ticking away. Three deadlines to meet and I'm hanging in empty space, wondering how to pull myself together.

Wouldn't it be nice to just knit all day and allow the rhythmic pattern of weaving wool to take my cares away?

Creating My Wonderland

I received this beautiful notebook by Pink Cherry Mama, in the post yesterday; one of the gems I ordered from etsy; an Alice in Wonderland journal that's ready to be inked with magical words...

As the cloud's bellies remain fat with snow, I grow heavy with ideas and inspiration. So much to think about and so much to achieve - where do I start?

I made a promise to myself when I bought this journal that I'd get some more writing done. I couldn't have it tarnished with shopping lists and phone numbers...no no no. Alice would like to be the keeper of enchanting stories and poems.

The trouble is, I'm conjuring up the courage to christen the crisp white pages. Don't you find that sometimes you can't start a journal because you don't want to ruin its freshness? I won't allow scratchings and spelling mistakes! But these ideas of mine have to go somewhere...

I had a chat with a Rowan tree and he told me to write a story about him and his kind...the wisdom of the Oak, the humour of the Birch and the magic of my good friend, the Weeping Willow. When I meet my fairies, I shall ask them if they wish to star in my book too...

...there's room for every sort of magic in my world...but can I make it come to life on paper?

Closer to a New Reality

As we have made our shift through the happiest day of the year (for the majority of us) - and have left it behind already, we have one more occasion to put us on hold for a little while longer. We can put work to one side for one more week - there's no need to contemplate the status of our lives just yet...

But then New Year's Eve will loop round very quickly and then we have to start all over again. Instead of moving to 'Go' and collecting '200', we will be climbing up a year in age, we will probably be entering 2010 with less money than we had in 2009...pardon me, my intentions are not to depress.

But I am approaching what should be a monumental year for me: I will be graduating from uni and will therefore have to begin my proper life; the one I've lived for 25 years already has been the warm-up. But what to do? I collate my achievements together in my thoughts and I try to string along a through-line, a theme even, that gives me a clear arrow that says 'this way to your goals'.

It's a scary thought for me, joining the working world again. But this time I beg that it won't be typing tedious drivel on a company PC or standing around with a painted smile on saying 'hello! can I help you find something?!' to people who clearly don't want to talk to me either. No - this time, I'm going to do it differently, it'll benefit me and the general public all at the same time.

I want to heal those that want to be healed...all the while healing myself. I'm going to use my Colour Therapy Diploma, I'm going to practice my Herbalism skills, I will take up Reiki and Angel Healing (It's what has been set out for me by the stars) I will continue to make aromatherapy candles - perhaps even expand the range. I will write my poetry book AND my collection of short stories...I will journey all this joy through myself and out to others...oh yes 2010...this is it!

Then again...I do things at a snail's pace and sometimes backwards...

...I'd better save this declaration for next year's resolutions as well.

The Baker - The Candle Maker

As the rain has been stealthily stealing the remaining snow away, I have been making things. They are gifts for loved ones; handmade things are usually best aren't they? Cookies and candles should warm their hearts...or perhaps just their bellies and homes.

I've noticed that the days are slowing down just a tad since Solstice; the shortest day of the year...bring on those sunlit evenings! I feel almost defeated when the night draws in at four-thirty in the afternoon; as if the day says: 'Time's up! No more tasks for you now!'

But it hasn't all been crafting, I split time for a matinee of Narnia - The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe...what magic there is waiting for us on a DVD when we need to leave our world for a while.

Since I have rekindled my love for children's fables and gothic legend (thinking about watching Sleepy Hollow too!) I've decided to go on a hunt on Etsy to find some precious nic nacs that make me feel like I am waltzing in a magnificent gown; snowflakes decorate my hair and from behind the trees, rabbits, deers, elves and nymphs come to greet me warmly.

Birthday, Christmas & General Celebrations

This was what I woke up to this morning...one would never believe that I reside in South London...but I can look at this picture and pretend that acres of nature wraps itself around my house.

I could feel the Christmas spirit for the very first time today, maybe it's because I saw barmen dressed up as reindeers. A gang of us met up for a friend's birthday, so the drinks kept coming and so did the general public. The pub was swarming with giddy office workers who had obviously finished work for the holidays. They'd been in there since 2pm, bellies full with a canteen turkey dinner; the buzz of secret santa had kept them all going for the whole day.

And there I was just happy because it was my last day at uni and I'd purchased my first gift for someone...I've left it a little late this year...but at least now that my Christmas buzz has started, it shouldn't burn out before it's over.

A sparrow in the garden

Today I went to see my good friend Natanya. I was a part of the enchanting photoshoot that she wonderfully organised for a very exciting fashion project she is working on. An owl was there too, and a magpie, a dove, a rabbit, a beetle, two ladybirds and of course Natanya herself; she resembles a forest fairy; she blows sparkles on all her creations...we wore the pretty dresses she made although we froze our little wings off in the cold! Experience Natanya's wonderful designs at: www.flutterbydaisy.co.uk

My fingertips were blue by the time I got home - note to self: must buy new gloves.

It's amazing how you can go from one world to another in just one day. I'm in the other one now, the one where I don't wear wings but fluffy slippers. Instead of a floaty dress, I sport an oversized cardigan and instead of being out amongst the trees, I am huddled up in my cave.

Like a butterfly from the cocoon, I'll emerge one day - fresh wings and new colours...fluttering on by to a completely different world.

Snowflakes and Nesting

Today I am housebound, but it's ok because I have snowflakes to look at; the leaves get a little dusting of childlike joy. It isn't enough snow to make me feel like I don't have to ever leave the house again...sometimes we need days like that.

But I've been cleaning today, cleaning like a demon! I made three Festive Cheer woodwick candles for a friend...the fragrance of Cinnamon & Orange and the soundtrack of Nick Drake goes perfectly with this day...fresh laundry and cups of tea...if only this home were mine to call my own, but it belongs to family. It is a rest stop for a few months until my real life begins.

Although in these winter days the closeness of siblings and kin make me feel like I have a rightful place in the world. But I keep longing though, longing for that day when I clasp my own keys and all choices are mine. I shall decorate the house like Mary Poppins tidies up: just a spoonful of sugar.

I will nest, nest like a busy little bird.