Today took me for a major ride, one I paid for but got short-changed on. Whilst on it, my emotions got tested hard and there was a grey cloud hanging over me that threatened to rain so I tried to shake it off and reasoned out my karma to allow a tantrum to occur in my head.
I was cold. I was tired and my love for the world was questioned. Pettiness played its part and caused me more silence than I would care to acknowledge. But I tried to raise some noise by listening to Staind (not a good idea, considering that album takes me back to bleaker times) but others were feeding off my fumes on a tooth-pullingly long bus journey after having battled to get my oyster card to swipe. It didn't. I had money on it, but had to pay more to a bus driver that felt like exercising his authority on me.
I craved the silence while I rode through the grotty stone-laced town that is Mitcham...and when I got home it bullied me. Anger diffused fairly soon after once I cut the cord with the general public, allowing them to take their energy back and return me mine but that grey cloud still hovers...
I know it very well and yet it still plays tricks on me. I'm onto its ways but it still wants to prove me a point, even though I'd love to ignore it. I never can though. There's some sort of attachment to it. It'll drift away for a little while and allow the sun to greet me, but not without getting what it wants: my hands up in complete submission, for it replenishes itself with my dignity.
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